I had just land IAD and was waiting for a ride to get hotel when I am writing this. I used to live in Virginia, I used IAD couple of times but this airport always reminds me of 2001 Space Odyssey since Dr. Floyd called his housekeeper to take care of his car at IAD from the Moon. This time for me, I am going to perform neutron scattering experiment at National Institute of Standard and Technology. I had passed tests to handle the experiment and I have onsite training, then we will do the experiment.
I don’t know whether or not I would like to write but the things I have been through recently poisoned me somehow. By reading the book from Richard Feynman, however, I realized that I was just not mature enough not even as a physicist but also as a human being. I just forgot what I should do in my life.
The thoughts I have now has changed a lot since I came to Australia. That is definitely different when I was in Japan or in the U.S.. Is that good thing? I don’t know. But obviously, I was whinging all the time.
Last three weeks were very hard. I could not have time to get any rest physically and mentally. I was working very hard for experiment while I am looking for room to rent while I was preparing for experiment in the U.S. Finally, I caught a cold and fixed one day but my feeling was very bad. This experiment is going to be very hard so I needed to be prepared in mentally and I wasn’t sure for that. In addition, I would like to finish couple of writing, paper, proposal, and funding or so. I am writing one manuscript which is under very competitive situation.
I was talking to new friend over dinner but I was complaining the situation all the time about my situation in Australia. As far as working conditions are concerned, however, because I have now tenure, higher responsibility, and neutron scattering instrument. The things have been improved very much. Problem I was having was I think I was not seeing any challenges like I had in Japan and the U.S. and I was feeling like I am far behind of serious competition.
As a young physicist, I have a lot of thing I want to achieve but everything is, I have been feeling, getting behind. I just could not see what I have done. I realized now during flight that I am growing as a neutron inelastic scattering experimentalist far faster than anyone else in this world. By doing this, at least, in next few years, I will be able to be better than good. I should be. I should not be satisfied with situation. Compared to U.S, Japan, and Europe, the user community has to grow in Australia and Asia. These are partially my responsibility.
I will write little about this experiment, this work will be collaboration with Canadian and American, we will use highly aligned single crystal sample, apply magnetic field higher than 10T, cool the sample below 40mK, trying to find magnetic order with neutron scattering experiment. The success rate of this experiment should be very low, to reach each experiment condition is not so difficult while we need to succeed to reach these conditions at the same time within limited beam time here.
In addition to the experiment, I want to finish analyzing and writing up couple of papers which I believe very important scientific contribution. I stop writing again and again but I want to write more here to “think” which should’ve been my motivation here.